Before i knew you exist.

My period was irregular. Not 28 days cycle. Might be 34, 44. Hahah. So, for the 1st month of marriage, i really thought, we will make it. The next period, i got spotting for 6 days, 1 dot per day, 6th day baru lah keluar yang bebetol. So for the 2nd month, we didnt expect much. When my period already late, i didnt think of pregnancy, tp saje je asked mama to get me the pregnancy kit. She was like " mama risau la , ida jangan la mengharap sgt". Then, i forget it. I even went to my BFF wedding with breast tenderness, not thinking of pregnancy, only suspecting delayed period.

And, i didnt take any precaution. I drank carbonated drink more than usual, i ate slices of pineapple at home. And seems like whatever i wanna eat, contain pineaple. Terdetik juga, "apasal macamni eh, camane kalau pregnant, selalu xmacamni."

I also told kak long, im scared of pregnancy , though i really want it, but im kind of paranoid of what happen to my colleague, the dramatic pregnancy & delivery. Im scared of complication, impairment & disability. Kak long said " kita kahwinkan, untuk  sambung zuriat"

I used to live on my own in the house. I didnt cry if hubby is not around. But for one week i felt so lost, at last i brokedown, i felt so hard to be in the house. I ended up calling mama crying " takde siapa nak cakap ngan ida, takde siapa nak keluar ngan ida, ida sorang je, bla2" bersungguh nangis. Whatsapp hubby somemore. Tup2 hubby came back the next day. The rig was full. Hihi. So, since the period was late, just before the guardian closed, i bought the pregnancy kit. 

The next morning, i dipped it into the urine, 2 lines appeared. Instead of hugging and surprising the husband as in the drama, i ended up screaming in the toilet "
SAYANG PREGNANT! KITA NAK BUAT APA NI???"
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Wednesday, 10th July 2013

Salam Ramadhan to all muslims,

Semoga Ramadhan kali ini, digunakan sebaik-baiknya untuk menambah pahala & lebih bermakna dengan extra ibadah.

And, after not more than a week my husband on the rig, he need to come back for a while, shortly. ( Got Gas buyer, or gas bahaya, im not sure la, why you need to clear up the rig if people wanna buy gas?) Dunno till when. Maybe less than a week. Hope so, kindly not too long. I wanna raya with him. 

Previous time he gone, after stranded 2 months at home taking care of 1st trimester preggy wife, i was crying everynight, everyplace remind me of him, even teary in seminar or everytime i did the things that remind me of him. Like he not in this world anymore. 

Pity him to worry about me after tiring work. So, since saturday he's away, i hv not shed a single drop of tears for him. So proud of myself. And tomorrow, he'll be back for a while, he said " i think its good to be with you, maybe you need me more during ramadhan rather than hari raya which you at least hv your family". But when you gone again, its gonna be harder for me, when i know i'll start missing sahur & iftar with you later. 

Force myself to be stronger, though waking up feeling sad, having the 1st sahur by myself. I need you husband. 
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