To love or to hate?
So bored right now. Feeling empty. How should i feel ? It just repeating every other month. The 1st week he went offshore, i can take it positively. It just that my son, who's growing, starts to express his feeling by hving fever for a day or two at the early days of his absence. Me start to think what to cook for danish's breakfast, for me & bro's dinner. How much to spend so that i wont draw much cash from his account.
When he's not around. Kinda miss him. Time is ticking too slow. Weeks feel like months. Still not immune to it.
But i know when he comes back, it will be another story of exhaustion. Exhausted with accumulating oncalls. He will take care of Danish while im oncall. And my day full of his planning , mostly going to his family place.
Hemm.. How to say, my marriage turns something like this: this month i'll be a single mother, im the leader, no argument. The other month, the chief comes back, there start the argument, i want this way, he wants that way, but he will be at home for a month, not working, he do all the chores, he will think what to eat tonite, clean up the mess, play with Danish, the roles divided into two, instead of all on me.
Few months later, another baby will need my attention too. Maid? A burden or a helper? Or should i just cont my life as usual but with more sweats & struggle. Dont wanna touch your job, its your choice. You are trying to support us, thus i should support you, i know it will end someday, at the right time. We both will do our best, tho its hard.
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